But, yes. The big exciting news I should write about involves my trip to England. It's getting closer and closer... My passport has arrived, the airline has been chosen, fares researched, and Paul and I have even managed to get the time off we requested for the holiday. All that's left now is booking the actual ticket. Which we most likely wouldn't be able to do, if it wasn't for the kindness that is still found in the hearts of others in this day and age.

Besides my nervousness about the trip, my life has been pretty boring. I started the ortho patch, which has been making me feel like I'm coming down with the flu. Or, could it be I actually am catching the flu? Eh, whatever it is, I'm sure I'll be fine by the time I have to fly...

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Last week I stayed over at my mother's for a few days. I had to pack up quite a few boxes full of movies, CDs, books, and a few articles of clothing. I'm really upset that many of my movies have gone missing. I have nearly 300. So far I've been able to remember 7 that were once in my collection, but are now nowhere to be found. This list includes films like Trainspotting, The Crow, For The Boys, and Evil Dead 2.

No, I'm not a happy camper. I mean, what the fuck? Did my movies just grow legs and walk out of my bedroom? I think not. I better go back and find them stashed away in some other spot in the house, or else I may have to stab someone.

Speaking of movies, I miss being over there where I have the wonderful tool known as TiVo, and a shitload of channels including a bazillion HBO's. And Cinemax. Ah, my Skinemax. How I've missed you.

The terrible movies you can find on Cinemax late at night bring me much joy. For instance, I watched a movie called Teenage Caveman. And, yes... It is as bad as it sounds. Here's a rundown of this piece of shit:

- The main star is Andrew Keegan. Apparently trying to prove to the world that he's a big boy now.
- It's directed by Larry Clark. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing can be argued.
- The movie takes place in the future, after extreme weather changes and disease leave the few survivors to live in caves.
- A group of six teenagers hike through the wilderness to Seattle, of all places. This is where they are "rescued" by two immortals who want to show them "the ways of the ancients."
- All the ancients (read: our generation) apparently did was have a shitload of sex, do lines of cocaine, and drink excessively. And did I mention all the sex? And orgies. And group bathing. And more sex.
- When the cast is not having sex, you get lots of bodies exploding and heads being ripped off with bare hands.

Oh, yes. Isn't that a winner? The sad thing is, I was glued to the screen through the entire thing laughing my ass off.

And in the final bit of movie-related giberish, I've decided my mother has been watching way too much television. While watching Moulin Rouge, she started giggling and said, "Doesn't the Duke know the next person to say 'shenanigans' gets pistol whipped?"

My mother. Making reference to Super Troopers.

Does this mean the end of the world is near?

before - after