I was going through my entries from the first year that I started writing in this diary. I came to the conclusion that I hate the person I have been.

Is it a terribly bad sign when you read your very own words and cringe? When you feel the pull of your eyballs toward the back of your head when you read your own damn whining? When you stare at a screen filled with past thoughts, past events, and the only thing that pops into your head is what a moron you have been?

And I am more than a little hesitant to write these thoughts down, right here, right now. Two years from now, will I scan through this entry and think the same? I can be naive, but I'm not a complete idiot. I know full fucking well how young I am. But the difference between 17 and nearly 20... Bigger than I could ever have imagined.

And it will get worse. Oh, I know it will. I'm not kidding myself, I'm sure this is just the tip of the "What the fuck was I thinking?" iceberg.

After reading the old entries, I got a tad depressed. But then I merely shrugged it off, and felt confident in knowing that I've learned from my mistakes.

And wouldn't you know it, this very same night... I'm proven right. See, tonight I met a man. Shall I rant about this man? Yes, I think I will.

I don't know if it was from reading all about my mistakes in the same day as meeting this man, or just knowledge about myself I've gathered over time... But I knew, almost immediately... Two years ago, he would have been yet another mistake to add to my vast collection of mistakes.

We all know who this guy is. He's that man. The good looking one. The dangerous one. He may be a little different for each woman... But chances are, he's been in every girls list of mistakes.

Mr. One Night Stand.

26 years old. Winning smile. The ability to be baby-faced and have that bad boy aura around him at the same time. Intriguing tattooes. Even more intriguing piercings.

Oh, yes. Text-book mistake material for little ol' me.

And this man sat there... attempting to pick at my brain. To find the approach he would take to get into my pants. And all I could do was laugh. And I felt bad for a brief moment. I'm not a bitch. Far from it, actually. But I took a step back, looked at the situation, and got a flash of all the times this same type of man gave me the same type of lines.

And I laughed!

When he finally noticed he was getting absolutely nowhere with me, he actually had the balls to flat out ask me if I would go home with him, or if he could come home with me.

Ha! Stop it! Please! My side is killing me!

Even if Paul wasn't in the situation, this man would have still gone home alone. I realised tonight that it's true. You do learn from your mistakes. And thankfully I've grown up enough (granted, there's a lot more to go) to not fall into the same old traps.

Yes, Mr. One Night Stand... I know your kind all too well now. Don't even bother with me.

before - after