That was in the funeral notices in today's paper. Vito was my grandfather on my father's side. I have not had any contact with him, nor my grandmother Inez, since I was three years old. I have never in my life met my father, Tony.

Yet I've been crying, and feeling a way I don't know how to deal with. I think I need to go to my grandfather's funeral. It has to be done. I need to pay my respects, get my closure... and possibly even give that closure to my family members. They're my blood, and I feel terrible. Even worse, I've had my grandparents phone number and address written on a post-it note, sitting next to my computer for the last two years. I randomly found it one day searching through Yahoo. And I always said I was going to call them, to talk to them before it's too late.

But I never got the courage. And now it is too late, at least for my grandfather.

I don't know what to do. I know I need to go. I already have my schedule cleared so I can attend the funeral. I've never been to a funeral before. Not for anyone, let alone my own blood. My mother says I should call my grandmother beforehand. But I don't know how to. What do I say to her after all these years? And when I do go to the funeral, how do I face them? What frightens me the most is the possibility of meeting my father for the first time.

I'm shaking right now I'm so emotional. This is the heaviest thing I've ever had to deal with.

I just don't know what to do...

before - after